My daughter, Dannielle, her husband and Arnie, their 7-year-old golden retriever came home for Memorial Day weekend. Arnie can’t speak a word of English but has a large vocabulary. Words like treat, outside, toy, food, and bedtime are commonly understood by most dogs. Arnie takes communication to another level with his eyes, facial expressions, grunts and barks. I have seen Arnie’s frustration when his masters don’t understand his various grunts. Dannielle knows when Arnie grunts at 9 PM it’s time for his dental treat. I have no idea how he knows the time.

Sitting at my desk some years ago, I felt a “whap” on my back. Turning around our golden retriever, Abbey, was sitting with a red ball in her mouth. Her eyes said, “Get off your butt and play with me.” I got up and we played fetch the ball. If you have a dog or cat you have your own pet communication stories. Our pets are effective communicators using only non-verbal communication. For humans, most communication is non-verbal. We need to understand the importance of non-verbal communication and its impact on our messages and relationships.

Non-verbal communication is the process of conveying information without using words. Using facial expressions, gestures, body language and tone of voice. Behavioral psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian did extensive research on the topic of body language resulting in his 7-38-55 rule. Which is, 7% of all communication is verbal (written or spoken words), tonality of voice makes up 38%. For example; John stole the car. Is a statement. John stole the car? Same words have different meanings. You mean he didn’t borrow it? John stole the car? It wasn’t someone else? John stole the car. Not the truck or motorcycle. The entire meaning changes depending on tone of voice and which word is emphasized. If you sent the text message, “John stole the car.” Which of the four meanings is it?

Mehrabian said 55% of communication is body language, like facial expressions, how we hold and carry ourselves and appearance, like our clothing. A first impression is made in seconds before anything is said. As a professional speaker I learned the importance of appearance. I must dress so the audience focuses on my message and not; “What an ugly tie?” or “Does he know the shirt doesn’t match the pants?”

My friend from India shared some of the challenges his company experienced then they expanded to the Ohio Valley and began building their plant. They have already created hundreds of construction jobs. They will be operational in the near future. I asked, “What has been the biggest challenge?” He responded, “Communication. Poor communication has delayed the project months and cost the company a lot of money.”

Their biggest problem wasn’t technical or construction related. It was human beings who couldn’t effectively convey their ideas or message to others. Surprisingly, few communication problems were cultural. Most communication problems were engineering related. The engineers in India didn’t understand the differences in electrical and civil engineering codes in the USA. The Indian engineers didn’t know the Fire Marshall had to be part of the design process. The U.S. and Indian engineers had regular video calls. Video didn’t solve communication difficulties.

U.S. engineers didn’t know in India seismic load takes priority because of earthquake potential. Indian engineers didn’t know, in our area, wind load is the priority because of storms. In southern India freezing temperatures, ice and snow are not an issue like the Ohio Valley. The engineers didn’t know each other’s priorities. The Indian engineers felt put down because they didn’t understand the American engineers’ body language, non-verbal communication.

To be an effective communicator it is imperative to understand non-verbal communication. We can NEVER choose not to communicate. Our body language or facial expressions always communicate to others. Comedians are masters in non-verbal communication. Their facial expressions say more than words and make us laugh.

One of the biggest challenges we have is the text message. I prefer short factual texts to chats. I got involved in a chat with a friend and peer. Suddenly in the middle of the chat he sent an angry text message. He misinterpreted something. I immediately texted, “??? This chat is over. I will call you.” He totally misinterpreted my words. This would have never happened face to face. The phone call sorted it out and we are still friends.

Text messages are a great way to communicate short FACTUAL information like; contact information, an address or messages like “Just got home.” “Are you available for a call?” A photo with a caption like “At Disney today.” “Thanks.” “Goodnight.” or, “I love you.” My philosophy is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER making assumptions from something said in a text message. Text messages are verbal and lack a nonverbal component.

Some people routinely use text messages instead of phone calls to communicate with their children and friends living out of state. An opening text message might be; “How is everything going?” with “Great” the response. Without a non-verbal component, you can’t assume all is well. The same question asked on a phone or video call, “Great” might have a totally different meaning depending on the tone of voice or facial expression. Personal contact is important in any long-term relationship. We need to hear others’ voices. Video is better. We learned during COVID how important in-person face to face and human touch is. In business we learned the shortcomings of virtual meetings.

The Indian company solved their communication problem with one in-person meeting. Engineers from both companies met in-person socially and began to build relationships. They talked and found things they had in common like family. They understood everyone wanted the project to succeed. The engineers found respect for each other. One face to face meeting created understanding solving what couldn’t be done in 6 months of video calls. Future video calls went smoothly. Understanding non-verbal communication and limitations of verbal communication is essential for business and in personal relationships.